Curtain Call!!

Unfortunately for me, I don't actually fall in love with people. I've tried. Oh, God... I've tried so hard. You would not believe the scenarios I've put myself into just to feel even a glimpse of love for another person. Now, you may be thinking "Well, how can you be certain that you're gay if you've never loved anyone" or even "But you're so young. There's still time for you to fall in love". Both very good questions and potentially difficult to answer for those who have yet to either make up their minds or to do any self-discovery. However, I've done both. I may not fall in love but I certainly fall in "like" and DEFINITELY (being a typical teenaged guy) fall in lust. There's no doubt in my mind what and who turns me on; gets my motor running. I can go to the store and bump hands with a guy reaching for the same jar of peanut butter (actually, I hate peanut butter. Can't stand the stuff. But it's simple for the sake of the story) and feel that spark. I know what it feels like to have the POTENTIAL for love. And, even though the odds are WAY against me that I'm wrong, I'm highly doubtful that I ever will fall in love. But, not because I'm some martyr with a cliche back-story or because I'm a classically slutty guy. I'm already in love.

I'm in love with music and with theater. You know how you see those people that are so absolutely devastated when their relationships end because that's what they need to survive? How they seem like they're not themselves until they're at least out searching again? I'm that person... except with productions.

Auditions are like first dates for me. I go in not knowing exactly what to expect, feeling so excited that I'm nearly bursting at the seems, giving it everything I've got to impress my date. Everything in me compels me not to mess it up. I couldn't take it if I was the reason that it didn't work out. If I don't get a part, then that's it: the relationship stops before it began and we go separate ways. However, If I DO get a part, then that's when the real relationship starts. Rehearsals begin and we start to learn each other. We make each other laugh, and cry, and dance. We learn each other's back stories. We learn what makes each other tick. We have a new understanding of what it means to live the life we've been "assigned" (more literal in this case). The show opens and it's like getting married. It's a commitment. We're too far in to back out. There's nothing more that we want than to make each other successful, happy. And then... the end of the show. Closing performance. It's like the worst break-up in your life. It just happens over and over. No show can last forever. But I'm addicted. I can't get enough. Even the agonizing heart break is necessary. I want it. I NEED it. My life is incomplete until I'm in a show, again. It's the love of my life...

Peace, love, and the glorious curtain call,

Matty Taylor :)